The phone is ringing, the baby is crying, dinner is burning, and your late for soccer practice. Not really; did your blood pressure start to rise when you read that? I know mine did! How do you cope when things get crazy; how should you cope when things get crazy? After attending a recent M.O.P.s presentation by Nona Luke (Lee's Summit Community Church) called "Slow to Anger- Hope for Frustrated Mothers Desiring a Gentle Spirit", we thought her wisdom was worth sharing. Here is just some of what we learned about dealing with stress:
When you feel stressed from outside forces:
Are you taking on too much responsibility? A mother must be able to say "NO" to the needs of others when the needs of her family will be endangered by saying "Yes".
Tip: Give yourself a timeout. Then stop, think, & plan (S.T.P.). If you have to, grab a pen and piece of paper and write it down. Often times, this process is therapeutic in itself; not to mention the fact that it will be one less thing that you have to keep re-running in your brain.
When you don't feel well:
Whether it's PMS, fatigue, illness, pregnancy, or just a plain old headache, they can all be crippling when things get hectic. It's important to identify what the problem is before it becomes overwhelming.
Tip: Recognize the signs of fatigue; crying easily, low energy, grumpiness, etc. Adjust & balance your schedule to include rest time & healthy eating habits. Also don't forget to include at least some time for things like personal interests & friendships which can significantly affect your emotional state.
When you have too many demands with too little time:
There are 24 hours / 144 minutes / 8640 seconds in one day. That means you can only squeeze so much into a limited space. Let's face it, we forget that sometimes, which can leave us feeling like real underachievers. However, that isn't the case at all; it's probably just the opposite.
Tip: Don't cram too much into one day; prioritize, organize, & plan ahead. Be the master of your day, rather than the victim. By having a strategy for the day that includes anticipating potential problems, you can avoid stressful situations that can derail your sanity. Buy a calendar and planner and force yourself to use it!
Warning: Be flexible. Life is full of interruptions, emergencies, & crisis. A mother must train herself to go with the flow, even if it means temporarily abandoning your plan.
When you feel overwhelmed, inadequate or helpless in your role:
You are not superwoman! Don't even try to put that pressure on yourself. Ketterman & Holt suggest that a mother is like velvet over steel; loving & gentle, yet strong and in control.
When your children aren't meeting your expectations or you fear they are going in the wrong direction:
Mothers often use loud voices or long lectures to scare children into acting the right way. While this may work in the short-term, it often results in long-term habits that are not productive.
Children need unconditional love, acceptance, and forgiveness. According to Terri Maxwell: Be patient with your children as they learn over time, not angry when they aren't progressing as quickly as we'd like.
Tip: Break the cycle by leaving the situation. If you are in public, go outside, in a bathroom or your car if you have to. Get your child to calm down so that you can walk them through what went wrong.
Summary:
One thing is common to all of these tips; keeping a level head. Taking a step back before you react is crucial to you handling things successfully. So the next time you start to feel that sense of self doubt, worry, anger, or stress, take a deep breath and think about how you are about to react. Is your reaction equal to the situation or is it just a chance to blow off steam?
Your family, friends, and blood pressure will thank you!
For more details check out these resources:
"When You Feel Like Screaming - Help for Frustrated Mothers"
Pat Holt & Grace Ketterman, M.D.
"Home schooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit"
Teri Maxwell
"Child Training Tips"
Reb Bradley
Holy Bible (NIV)
Parenting Magazine
